Mizrahi’s Roller Disco Extravaganza

I’m thinking about having a party in phases – sort of like real estate development:

Phase I – The Bambi Valley Resort
Phase II – The Silver Swan Lake Chateau
Phase III – The Private Equity Exclusive Residence Club and Suite.

However, phase I of my party would more likely be some title related to roller disco, which I’m obsessed with. Lately, I’ve been listening to an old disco tape in the bathtub because it’s the only tape I can find. The one “bad” song on the tape is the old classic, “Le Freak C’est Chic,” and it’s perfect for a roller disco party. I even have the entire song choreographed with celebs and non-celebs appearing in the piece. I think Isaac would be excellent as the center stage roller disco queen. Then I also see Topher Grace, Sandra Bernhart, and Jeremy Piven (don’t ask me why him). Then the Chicago posse (old & new) – L-Bean, Toronzo, incense guy from Smart Bar, Low Down, Don, Chip, James & Dan (Barney’s crew – they have an excellent sequence of dance “freezes”), Rach, Mike, Smiley (L-Bean knows this reference!!!!!! Bazooka bubble gum and super foxy, and of course an excellent dancer), and then a couple of NY posse (old) – Golden boy, Hawk girl, and good ol’ actor JH. Madison posse – Milton (only one I can think of that can dance). Point posse would be lovely dancer P, G, M, A, S, B, B, PSM (she’s like a super karaoke performer, so I think she’s probably good at roller disco, too), that kid from the Dance Dept that’s super good, Fred & Ginger, and then the basement band/bar crew filtered into certain sequences (I’m not sure about their dance capabilities). And of course, “fashionable librarian M” of Iowa. Not because I know anything of her roller disco skating abilities, but I do know she’ll have a smack-assing cool disco outfit. I envision lots of rainbow legwarmers, old-fashioned skates, disco lighting, some good booze and music, and a rink. I’ll keep people posted on the “phase development” of the party. Right now it’s just a fantasy “faze” in my head. I wonder if anyone would go? The problem is the guest list, which when I started quickly jotting down names was over 150 people. That’s a lot of boozey disco queens in one place.

Right now I’m in the process of documenting my life and justifying my permanence for tenure. It’s all very European. Cementing your fate and future in Central Wisconsin - this is how they keep residents here. It’s very tricky.

I thought I had seen an announcement that Brook Astor was dead, but I guess she’s still hanging on. I’m sure this family imbroglio has her ticker going strong – even at 104. Supposedly her Crème De La Mer has now been replaced by Vaseline, and her Teuscher chocolates from Switzerland have been replaced by Kit Kats. Frankly, that is tragic. And, frankly, I’ve been using the word “frankly” way too much lately. It seeped into my vocabulary about three weeks ago. I don’t know where I picked it up, but it’s reaching the point of irritation. I wonder if I’ll ever make it into cosseted blue-blooded centenarian status? The problem is the blue-blood. I don't think this is something you can acquire - it's only through good rich genes.

Fashion News from Andre:
While Zara Beard “exercises four hours a day, plays polo and tennis, runs and keeps her eye on fashion,” I’ll tell the rest of you what’s in, according to the fashion bible – Vogue (thanks, L-Bean for the subscription!). It’s all about colored, textured tights with wedge or platform boots, either knee-high or ankle, or pumps. Mixing colors is just fine. It’s also all military and 80s this season. As a matter of fact, I was so inspired by ubermodel GB’s spread, that yesterday I wore my newly acquired black punk rock moon military boots with hot pink tights, a military-esque black jacket, and cropped wool trousers. And I wore this for a presentation!!! It was kind of crazy looking, but a little push into the edge of the real fashion world is occasionally a good thing. Plus, if I wasn’t a victim to ephemeral fashion trends, I might start wearing "Separates" as they call it in the Ladies Department of bad department stores, and have putrid shoulder-length hair with a bad "steps" cut disguised as layers and frosted highlights from a box. Now, that would be tragic.

Peep show

This past week was chock full of endless back to back teaching, meetings, and other “stuff” that made me mental. As a matter of fact, during work on Thursday, a couple of people asked me if I was stoned because my eyes were completely bloodshot and I was in my overtired nonsensical state of mind. I think I averaged about five hours of sleep for four nights straight, and I don’t function well on such little sleep in my old age. When I was in my 20s, I managed to stay out four nights a week until 5 or 6 in the morning. Those were my “Smart Bar” days. Man, L and I really fucking partied hard. I could never do that now. Back then, I’d get home at 5 or 6, take a quick shower (or just brush my teeth) and run out in my trampy outfit with full-on slut makeup from the night before and go to work or school or wherever. The really trampy days were when I wore the same outfit two days in a row after “slugging it out” with some bar fool, like “low down” in his boric acid apartment (who danced right after we did it. Luckily he wore two rubbers. Freak! He was a really good dancer though). I drank butt loads of coffee and smoked a pack of Kools a day. Now I have mentholated lungs. Yikes. Youth.

Friday night provided a little reprieve from the hectic week when all of the illustrious peeps got together at our local hangout bar. It was nice to see familiar smiling faces - Other N, D, Plum, M, N, M, Fred & Ginger, P, and other regulars and non-regulars. I vowed I was going to stay for just a bit and not get drunk, but that didn’t really happen. It seemed like every minute I turned around there was another pitcher of beer and my glass was full. Unfortunately, I’m not too good at saying no. Needless to say, I was a bit blottoed, and in my usual intoxicated fashion I was in love with everyone. Hopefully, I didn’t offend anyone. I paid for it yesterday with a major headache.

The German and I had a lovely evening last night at L & H’s house (despite beer headache). Full on Greek fare that was uber scrumptious! The other fascinating part of the evening was all the cool footwear that people had on (with the exception of the German, of course). I had my new black punk-rock moon boots, and B had on these super swanky upper-crust British golf/saddle shoes, and his friend, B, had on very suave caramel-colored leather ankle boots with a square tipped toe. I do love a good shoe. I also found out that there is a new “Super Scrabble” game that has just been released, so for N, P and other people digging Scrabble, we must have a tournament (no cheating, P!).

The donut club is dead. Here's the "news flash" that was sent to us all:

"NEWS FLASH
Coffee club to offer coffee and tea, but no sweet rolls on Tuesdays!
Dues reduced to $3.00/month!! After decades of enjoying sweet rolls every Tuesday, a large majority of coffee club members have decided that they don’t need the weekly extra calories and if they require the occasional treat, there is fortuitously now a café in the building. The extra steps to obtain said treat are an added health bonus! Dues are adjusted to reflect this change."

Freaky donut club people.

Time to get back to discarding the mildewed cucumbers in my fridge. Nothing like a good ol’ moldy cucumber to start your day.

Zufullige Gedanken und Fragen

1. Is it inappropriate to say that you “cream in your pants” for a certain senator whose name sounds like “rock and lama?”
2. Do you think moon boots are cool again (were they cool to being with?)?
3. Do you remember the “Just Pants” store from the 1970s?
4. Do you wish your first name started with the letters “schm” ?
5. Do you think pipefitters tell a lot of bad sex jokes?
6. Do you think gauchos (or culottes) are out?
7. Is it inappropriate to stick a letter opener down someone’s exposed butt crack in the reference room of a library?
8. Do you think veggie wraps are super duper boring unless they have cream cheese in them?
9. Which is stranger: owning a Cabbage Patch doll or a Vanilla Ice doll?
10. Is it a bad idea to drink a bunch of red wine and then a bunch of Baileys on the rocks?
11. Do you think most Greek waiters at Greek restaurants are pretty cute?
12. Do you think a super slick platform burgundy pump works with texturized black tights and a short skirt?
13. If you were in an elevator with Isabella Rosellini would you say anything to her?
14. Would you eat cheese that was the flavor of chicken soup?
15. Would you ever mix French burnt peanuts with gummi worms, sour cherries and nerds in one bulk candy bag?
    

Shotgun Semester

This semester is more like a shotgun semester. There was no easing back into things, it was just like shit bang! I’m already tired, and it’s only the start of week two. Maybe I’m just funktafied. I thought for sure funktafied would be listed in urbandictionary.com, but no. So, this is my chance to come up with a definition for the kids. I’ll have to cogitate on that for awhile. There is, however, a new definition for Pluto (RIP):

“To pluto someone or something is to downgrade, demote or remove altogether from a prestigious group or list, like what was done to the planet of the same name.”

“He was plutoed like an old pair of shoes!”
Source: urbandictionary.com

Maybe corporations can implement this buzz word into their rhetoric and get rid of terminology like “reorganization, “downsizing,” or the latest stupid one “rightsizing” (or the ghetto version “kissmycrackassmothafuckaisizing”). Now it can be, “…due to recent market forces, special items, and looking into the future, plutoization is really the only remedy to reinvent ourselves and regain a position in the market once again.”

Speaking of downsizing, it looks like the donut nazis are considering eliminating the donut/roll Tuesday purchases. It's complete anarchy! I guess the new library cafe now offers long johns, jumbo cinnamon rolls, big muffins, giant turd like brownies decorated with M&Ms, and more, so there is controversy whether to continue the purchasing of said donut/rolls with the plethora of dough goop now available in the cafe. So far, the votes are:

1-yes (continue to get rolls on Tuesdays as a group)
3-no (don’t get rolls)
2-abstain [neither eat rolls]
1-no preference

but there are five people yet to have cast their vote. So, we wait in agony at the fate of the donut club.

I had my writing group yesterday and it was super good. I gained great insight after I brought an edited version of “The Gimpy Bunny” story and was told that there is no “me” in my stories. I guess my writing is more “reporter” style and lacks the inner dialog or self reflection. This is good to know, but I don’t know how to find the “inner writing me.” Any suggestions? More drinking? Sue "J-school" for stealing my soul with its over-emphasis on “objective” reporting and WWWWW?

Where's Jimmy Hoffa?

My uncle is having a retirement party next week and there will be 650 people in attendance. I’m not a fan of weddings (actually I find them dreadful with the exception of two out of about 15 I’ve been in or was a guest), but this fiasco seems a thousand times worse than a wedding - if that’s even possible. He’s some big union president – pipefitters, sprinklerfitters, and whatever else needs fitting, so it’ll mostly be union people – possibly Jimmy Hoffa, too. I’m not quite sure where to start with what I find the strangest about this party, but here’s a short list:

- $75 per person for dinner (or $1,000 for a table)
- You can place an “ad” for some program the “retirement committee” is putting together for $750 per page as a memento for my uncle to take home and stick in a drawer.
- The bio that he wrote, which he asked my dad to edit, which took my dad 7 hours to do with two alternate versions and the corrected version of the really bad version, was uber bad.
- The bad version of the bio includes the following sentence: “The neighborhood [where he grew up] was an ethnic melting pot. All nationalities were accounted for there, hence, he [my uncle] learned the skill of getting along with people of every ethnicity.” I won’t even get started on the term ethnicity, or the fact that my uncle is racist, but I’m perplexed that there is a “skill” required to get along with people of “every ethnicity.” What the crap is that? Holy cow!

I’m sure there will be more to report next week.

School started this week and I already have a migraine. Is this possible so soon in the semester? Once again, I had a freakishly garish outfit on this morning as I dashed out the door for an 8:30 meeting. I think the original concept I had in my mind may have been okay, but the execution completely fell apart in some type of overly draped cape, palazzo pants, scarves (yes, plural) and wedge ankle boots. I looked like some fat gypsy transient whore. It scared me (and I’m sure it scared people in the meeting). As a matter of fact, I was so uncomfortable and frightened in this ensemble (I won’t even discuss the bad hair and accessories), that I ran home after the meeting to change and ran back to work. That’s a sick mind.

D noticed the other day that ass-crack, something that was rampant and disruptive in the library’s reference area the last few years, is strangely absent this year. I don’t know what to make of this. I must have missed some sudden trend. I wonder what took its place? I notice less skin showing, so there must be something, but what could it be? I wonder if trends are now focusing more on iPods, cell phones, etc., and not clothing, body odor, cleavage, dreads, piercing, or ass crack. I’m going to have to investigate. I’ll make this one of my goals for 2006.