Y'alls ass is craxy!

Happy Third Year Blog Anniversary to Bibfash!!

I don’t know which is worse: watching all 22 chapters of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet” catastrophic urban rap opera manifesto or the fact that this lame blog has not been updated since April 21. [short pause] Yeah, I’m going with R. Kelly. Let’s start with the plot and its “undertow of emotion” as commenter #37 on IMDB mentioned. This kaleidoscopic soap opera takes place in a McMansion in Olympia Fields, IL and Chicago’s West Side. The cast of characters handles each episode of hardship “Christian-like” with a smack down of semi-automatic weapons pointed gangbanger style at people’s heads. What was most amazing during these pistol takes was that cell phones were ringing off the hook, and answering your cell phone seems to take precedence over a gun pointed at your temple. I can’t really imagine what kind of phone call would be more pressing than being blown up into pieces, but then again I’m not part of R. Kelly’s kaleidoscopic rap culture.

It would be a disservice to attempt to provide my “readers” with a critical commentary, character sex map or rhetorical analysis of Kelly’s oeuvre, so my suggestion would be to pull up to the computer with a soothing Courvoisier and Coke, a pack of Kools, and take it all in. However, I will provide snippets from Dr. Thorpe’s glossary of terms and essay questions for those of you who have studied this work and are interested in testing your knowledge:

Glossary of Difficult Words and Phrases:

Beretta: Refers to a band of handgun manufactured in the USA.
Shuh, shuh: Cathy makes this sound to indicate to R. Kelly that he should be quiet.
Shit is going down: Bad things are going to happen.
She deserves an Oscar: R. Kelly is implying that Cathy deserves an Academy Award for her deception of her husband.
Put it on Vibrate: Silencing a cellular phone so that it vibrates instead of ringing
Bogus shit: Unpleasant business.
Mack shit: The lies of an insincere womanizer.
Deep shit: A difficult situation.
Y’alls ass is crazy: Your entire ass is crazy.
Bitch, please: Used to express disbelief of a woman’s words.
Baby, you gonna be breathless: I am going to beat you until you are dead.

Identify the character who spoke each of these lines:

1. “That’s right, nigga, I was there.”
2. “Something is rotten in the state of Denmark”
3. “God, please don’t let this man open the closet.”
4. “Don’t give me that mack shit please.”
5. “Oh my goodness, I’m about to climax.”

Essay questions:

1. Why does Chuck look for R. Kelly under the dresser? How big do you imagine the dresser to be?
2. In Chapter 4, what does R. Kelly mean by “a tear fell up out my eye?”
3. When R. Kelly’s wife is describing the string of friends that led to the policeman and an altercation with her brother, Twan, who is Tina and how does she fit into this scenario?

Subject Keywords: Operetta, R&B, Midget, Homosexuality, Cherry Pie, Jealousy, Pimp, Diner, Aria, Gangsters, Questioning, Extramarital Affairs, Police Officer, Christianity, Waitress