Auctioning off faculty and staff

The Onion had a blurb about GM auctioning off some of its cars in an effort to gain capital. It occurred to me that this might be a fruitful way for our little campus to gain some capital given continuous and annoying budget constraints. Putting my librarian skillz to work, I also discovered that people auction off all sorts of interesting things, such as virginity, college degrees and anything resembling the Virgin Mary. I’m not quite sure what our faculty would fetch in an auction given such specialized skill sets and strange hobbies (not to mention a lot of peculiarities on the social scale), but I think it’s worth a try. It is certainly a more sound idea in attempting to fix the perpetual salary compression issue than determining who gets the extra change pooped out from the vending machines on campus.

Since I’ve been on a blog hiatus for four months, here are some updates in descending order:

Update: While the inauguration brought both hope and cynicism (read Pravda.ru) for many, I thought I’d focus on the dos and don’ts of some of the “fashion/style” I saw in my brief in and out checks throughout the day.

Diane Feinstein’s hair: I know many people were so completely distracted by her hair that they couldn’t even pay attention to what was going on. I’m not sure if she has a stylist (is there something like a Congressional Stylist?), but it was frightful, with the worst burnt curling iron rings at the end of her sensible Congressional bob and bangs resembling the letter “C.” Why do women in government typically have a penchant for wanting to resemble [fill in the blank]? I recommend a short layered non-step shag with lowlights, and toss that curling iron immediately if not sooner.

Aretha: Okay, so I’ve heard the hat was “so Aretha,” but seriously. That rhinestone studded gray plaster of paris bow was bigger than her head, and the Queen has got quite the head. It was utterly distracting and garish. I would have preferred a ghettoed- out Detroit church hat with crazy feathers, crazy colors and some sass.

Jill Biden. Nice job. Natural hair. Cute red coat. Knees showing with a classy black boot. It worked. Diane, you can learn from her. Take notes.

Update: Sitting at the reference desk (1/21 6:54 pm) listening to some stupid Goth chic with eggplant dyed hair giggling - every 2 minutes – at something on her screen. Jesus. Shut up.

Update: Still in love with James Wolcott, Peter Hessler and David Sedaris (some things never change).

Update: Good Christmas (here) and excellent winter break in Chicago despite hazardous driving there taking me 8 hours to get to south side. Saw many many people and loved hanging out in the city. Miss city and Chicago friends more than ever. Considered staying and just visiting here on the weekends. Realized the German and parentals would likely not appreciate this. Friends here would also likely be upset, but it would only last about 15 minutes and could easily be cured with a pint and brat.

Update: (1/21 7:04 pm) Still annoyed by giggling Goth girl with eggplant hair.

Update: Considering incorporating Larry David’s excuses for not wanting to attend things, such as “I’ve got a Klan (or NAMBLA) meeting that night,” or “I’m not going to think about it” when someone asks (or begs) you to think about it.

Update: Obsessed with the “Kosher Sutra” and the magazine “Jewish Living”

Update: Compliment from friend’s 19-year-old son on my 14-year-old burgundy skateboarder pants that he said “looked cool” on me.

Update: (1/21 7:47 pm) Annoying Goth girl with eggplant hair just left. I guess there is hope. Temporarily.