Don Juan's Enviable Dress Up Style

Bastille Bash
S&M’s Bastille fete was sure fun. It almost made me want to take French - again. There was moderate wine drinking and considerable beer drinking interspersed with the consumption of delectable solid goodies, laughing, booty shaking, booby shaking, and other all around Good Times!

While my attempt to duplicate the D&G French Vogue outfit from the July 2007 issue featuring black beads, suede boots and heroin-chic makeup failed, the German looked tres cute in his outfit from days gone by with his too-short mildewed black leather motorcycle jacket and beret. Twelve years ago, he wandered the halls of the Humanities building in Madison during our class break, wearing this very outfit, drinking half-gallons of orange juice looking as absent-minded then as he does today. I knew I had to have him!

Speaking of attire, let's talk about "stepping it up" a notch. Would it kill some of you people who I see on a regular basis to toss on a different colored t-shirt, a new shoe, a lip gloss, a new do, a beard (I can do this fairly quickly), new pants, a different and more daring earring, a new jean, something? Shake it up, people. Shake it up. Snap! (see "Don Juan" below for some ideas)

Back to the party...
I have a hard time at well-attended parties because I want to talk to everyone (okay, maybe not everyone). The tragic result is my bumble-bee like behavior where I flit around from person to person absorbed in half-conversations. It’s very ADD. The highlight of the night – hands down – is when Fred was caught (by three of us in the dimly lit back yard) leaning against the countertop in the kitchen of our hosts, drinking a beer, looking speculative. The pensive gaze lasted a good minute or two before he burst into a spectacular booty shaking, arms up on the cabinet, gyrating “Footloose” dance move. The best part was that he had no clue anyone was watching. J, M & I practically spit on each other with laughter. Where the hell was the camera?!?!

Make Your Buttock Happy
For some of you this may mean “making fudge” or “gittin’ it on through the back door,” but for others it means the “Toto Washlet.” I now know a few people who own this little gem (they all live in Chicago – no surprise there). My friend, Meritorious, owns the model E200. He called it a “spa experience” and said that while they keep toilet paper in the bathroom, they view it more now as a curiosity. If you want to waste an hour to see how you can make your buttock happy, check it out…

What’s Johnny Depth “Up” To?
JD is back in Chicago. He seems to be doing well working for an IP law firm, attending Weedfest, going to monthly mushroom/pot fueled hippie parties called Synphoria, and he just finished filming “The Story of Oh! Part II” for the Corkscrew Media Group (no need to see Part I to understand this one) . His mother is still nuts and his dad is broke, so nothing new on that end.

Arch Bishop Don Magic Juan
It’s hard not to smile when you think of the Chairman of the Board of the Legendary Players Ball - Bishop Don Magic Juan. I used to see him on the streets of Chicago’s west side (around Laramie and Chicago Avenue for you people who LOVE to know the intersections of the city like I do) driving around in his pimpalicious green and gold Eldorado all ghettoed out. I guess he moved to Los Angeles. No surprise there. He’s friends with Snoop. Check out his cool website! I can’t wait till he starts selling t-shirts.

Contest Alert (steppin' it up)!
“Footloose Fred” came up with this one - The Best Damn Adult/Dirty Haiku. While he requested The Best Damn Adult/Dirty Haiku in Central Wisconsin, I had to broaden the horizon to my outside audience (my Chicago, Iowa and NY posse). Here are the rules of a Haiku (hopefully you know the rules of dirrrtayyy!!)

- 3 short lines
- 5-7-5 (syllables)

Winner gets something from me. Good luck!

Where did the fucking toolbar shit go? Googleblogger????

This entry looks font fucked because the googleblogger toolbar and keyboard shortcuts have vanished. Bastards!

Back to the Grind
Today it was back to work. No more China, Notorious Lors, slide shows, casseroles, dirty dancing, Frisbee tossing (this is stupid any time of year), flat ironed hair-dos, slothy-fat-ass after-church Perkins crowd, or any of that shit. It was the same ol’ reference desk, candy dish (but in a new location!), annoying questions, and all the typical weirdos – with the exception of Perv #1 who is officially banned from the Library. The Drooler was there in his “summer” attire: “white” oxford shirt, black pants rolled up (in winter they are down), flip flops and black suspenders. His drooling bodily noises are exactly the same every season. As a matter of fact, the Drooler was my second entry on this blog back in June 2005. I complained about his outfit and strange bodily noises back then just like I do today.

Notorious Lors’ week of fun ‘n frolic
Lors and I had fun hanging out – like we always do. We did lots of house stuff – rearranging shit, buying shit, deleting shit - partying with the peeps, party boating, grotto visiting, cheese eating, Chappelle watching, Croatian talking, Serb talking, shitting, antiquing, Waupacaing, laughing, drinking and sleeping. She was a cheese curd virgin, but no more. And like any normal person, she could live without them for the rest of her life. We also laughed about one of the most disgusting vegetables/fruits on the planet – Rhubarb. This “civil war” vegetable has no allure whatsoever. It’s bitter tasting celery – and isn’t celery bad enough? Why try to make it into something it’s not – sweet gelatinous guu? Yucksville. It should be eradicated from the planet.

T-shirt contest
Cast your vote for the best t-shirt text graphic or add your own in the comment section (thanks to TC and PSM for suggestions):
 Fudge, American Style
 Closeted fudge lover
 EVERYONE LOVES FUDGE!
 Booty called
 Booty Call Hotline: 699-6969
 Honk if you’re within arm’s reach.
 Firecrotch crackwhore
 Deliveries in rear
 I love NJ (the love would be the heart symbol like I love NY)
 Fudge pops on sale
 Have you hugged a lesbian today?
 Vegetables are people too
 Strangers have the best candy