Facebook is killing the blog

Not sure what the solution is, but I'll try to stop the other addiction and get back here.

Word on my street

No time for a big narrative, but here are some little noshy updates:

Weezy and 50 Cent are still at it – Hip Hop beefs continue!

Won ugly sweater contest (or as the German calls it, the “dirty” sweater contest). I think I did a good job pulling off the whole Christopher Banks (hideous hideous hideous mall store)/Dynasty look with my animal/dollhead embellished sweater and side pony with big bangs. J didn’t even recognize me and she walked by me TWICE! I was also a judge. And I voted for myself. I guess you’d call that kickin’ it old Chicago skool style.

Chewbacca suffers a woozy spell (see James Wolcott’s blog)

Psycho spitting, licking, eating plant dirt dude in hoodie sweatshirt terrorizes the Library on Thursday afternoon

Fairly successful film shoot last Saturday as wealthy pick-pocketer wearing fur coat and hat at the Badger state winter games.

Blue candies should be BANNED! No blue M&Ms, no blue Jolly Rancher (wine candy). What are these people thinking?

Fun Perkins clown car adventure with juicy old school music, cramps and screaming.

I’m with Slate – what’s up G? with the Gatorade commercials???

Ate recalled Coop cookies, but am still alive. It’s a miracle! I still think “death by Co-op cookie” sounds like my death.

Now my “acting/film” expertise is being requested yet again to help with some cockeyed idea my friend, B, and his friend, E, have cooked up. It involved Norwegians, Nigerians, prostitutes and a bus. That’s all I can say about it.

Somethin's cookin' in the kitchen

Blago doesn't fail to entertain, does he? The theatrical lunacy continues and now Burris is screeching, "Rod, you owe me one!" uh, yeah, he does? And Oprah, "I could be senator..." uh…. and G-Rod, umm…well, this is what he told NBC, "I thought about Mandela, Dr. King and Gandhi and tried to put some perspective to all this and that is what I am doing now." Yeah, he’s now taking it to the streets of New York (must have forgotten to write down that his impeachment trial started today) and hitting the talk show circuit lookin’ for some lovin’ since the people of Illinois aren’t given him any. It just gets better and better. Can't wait for tomorrow.

Yeah, so like that Christian Lander dude who wrote the blog “stuff white people like,” which is now a book, is pretty funny, but let’s be honest – ain’t no whitties with no money going to Whole Foods or taking yoga. Give me a break! But, he’s got us pegged. Gentrification timeline [indie coffee shop opens, Starbucks opens, protest, warehouses converted into lofts, neighborhood now has trendy name, organic coop opens, transient hotel renovated, etc.], diversity, bottled water, gifted children, vintage, film festivals, Japan, brunch, trying too hard, natural childbirth, scarves, etc. There’s a quiz in the back and it turns out I’m 52ish% white.

Speaking of being white, I’ve been eating these Trader Joe’s Great Tasting Sea Gummies Omega-3 with DHA Dietary Supplements like they’re crack. Seriously, my pores (and pee) are oozing this weird fish oil component. They have me pegged (and every other 8 year old). It’s most certainly the sucrose, fumaric acid, citric acid crystals, and the salvia hispanica seed extract that taste so fucking good. It’s kinda out of control. I foresee a trip to the ER - soon.

Arlene Croce’s essay, “Balanchine said…” in the latest New Yorker (another white people activity) was an interesting look at Balanchinisms, but the one I still can’t figure out is, “I am not a man, but a cloud in trousers.” This is attributed to a poet, I believe, or philosopher, I think (so good I am at retaining material), but I haven’t a clue what it means. Someone fill me in?

Auctioning off faculty and staff

The Onion had a blurb about GM auctioning off some of its cars in an effort to gain capital. It occurred to me that this might be a fruitful way for our little campus to gain some capital given continuous and annoying budget constraints. Putting my librarian skillz to work, I also discovered that people auction off all sorts of interesting things, such as virginity, college degrees and anything resembling the Virgin Mary. I’m not quite sure what our faculty would fetch in an auction given such specialized skill sets and strange hobbies (not to mention a lot of peculiarities on the social scale), but I think it’s worth a try. It is certainly a more sound idea in attempting to fix the perpetual salary compression issue than determining who gets the extra change pooped out from the vending machines on campus.

Since I’ve been on a blog hiatus for four months, here are some updates in descending order:

Update: While the inauguration brought both hope and cynicism (read Pravda.ru) for many, I thought I’d focus on the dos and don’ts of some of the “fashion/style” I saw in my brief in and out checks throughout the day.

Diane Feinstein’s hair: I know many people were so completely distracted by her hair that they couldn’t even pay attention to what was going on. I’m not sure if she has a stylist (is there something like a Congressional Stylist?), but it was frightful, with the worst burnt curling iron rings at the end of her sensible Congressional bob and bangs resembling the letter “C.” Why do women in government typically have a penchant for wanting to resemble [fill in the blank]? I recommend a short layered non-step shag with lowlights, and toss that curling iron immediately if not sooner.

Aretha: Okay, so I’ve heard the hat was “so Aretha,” but seriously. That rhinestone studded gray plaster of paris bow was bigger than her head, and the Queen has got quite the head. It was utterly distracting and garish. I would have preferred a ghettoed- out Detroit church hat with crazy feathers, crazy colors and some sass.

Jill Biden. Nice job. Natural hair. Cute red coat. Knees showing with a classy black boot. It worked. Diane, you can learn from her. Take notes.

Update: Sitting at the reference desk (1/21 6:54 pm) listening to some stupid Goth chic with eggplant dyed hair giggling - every 2 minutes – at something on her screen. Jesus. Shut up.

Update: Still in love with James Wolcott, Peter Hessler and David Sedaris (some things never change).

Update: Good Christmas (here) and excellent winter break in Chicago despite hazardous driving there taking me 8 hours to get to south side. Saw many many people and loved hanging out in the city. Miss city and Chicago friends more than ever. Considered staying and just visiting here on the weekends. Realized the German and parentals would likely not appreciate this. Friends here would also likely be upset, but it would only last about 15 minutes and could easily be cured with a pint and brat.

Update: (1/21 7:04 pm) Still annoyed by giggling Goth girl with eggplant hair.

Update: Considering incorporating Larry David’s excuses for not wanting to attend things, such as “I’ve got a Klan (or NAMBLA) meeting that night,” or “I’m not going to think about it” when someone asks (or begs) you to think about it.

Update: Obsessed with the “Kosher Sutra” and the magazine “Jewish Living”

Update: Compliment from friend’s 19-year-old son on my 14-year-old burgundy skateboarder pants that he said “looked cool” on me.

Update: (1/21 7:47 pm) Annoying Goth girl with eggplant hair just left. I guess there is hope. Temporarily.

Resurrection

This blog may be coming back to life. Stay tuned...

MIA

This blog is soon to be dead in the water. It may morph into something else. I'll keep you posted.

"I love Cheetos so much it kind of makes my butt hurt."

Favorite line from Elizabeth Berg's new collection, "The Day I Ate Whatever I Wanted."