The Gimpy Bunny

I discovered a gimpy bunny by the curb today while walking my dog. I walked over to it and realized its leg was hurt and it couldn’t really move. The neighbor lady came out and said she saw five male rabbits chasing this rabbit earlier in the day (yes, I was wondering how the neighbor lady knew there were five supposed male rabbits chasing a supposed female rabbit?? No makey sensey as "Other N" would say). Anyway, when I got back to the house, I decided to call the Humane Society. The conversation went a little something like this:

Me: “I’m calling about a gimping bunny that’s near the curb on Third Avenue. Can you take care of this or shall I call someone else?”

Humane Society volunteer worker: “Is it wild?”

Me: “yes”

Humane Society volunteer worker: “You need to call Aaron. He takes care of wildlife in the area. Here’s his number…”

I call Aaron.

Aaron: “Good afternoon, Aaron’s Wildlife Control”

Me: “Hi, I was just referred to you by the Humane Society. There is a gimping bunny that’s near the curb on Third Avenue and I was hoping someone could help it.”

Aaron: “Oh, you need to call Charlotte. She does bunnies and raccoons in the area. I don’t have her number handy, but you may want to call the Humane Society again and see if they have it.”

Me: “Okay, thanks.”

I call the Humane Society

Humane Society volunteer worker: “Humane Society, how may I help you?”

Me: “Hi, I just talked to you a minute ago. You told me to call Aaron about the gimping bunny, but he said I have to call Charlotte and he doesn’t have her number, but said you have it.”

Humane Society volunteer worker: “Hmm. Let me check”

Pause (or paws – ha!)

Humane Society volunteer worker: “I’m looking at the book, but I can’t find a Charlotte. You could call Ray, but he only deals with squirrels. There’s Dan, but he does opossums and feral cats. Jean only does squirrels and bats. There is a woman in Green Bay I found that does rabbits. Would you like her number?”

Me: “Green Bay seems like quite a distance. I would think the bunny would be dead by then. What if I call the police – do they have like an animal control unit or something?”

Humane Society volunteer worker: “No, they don’t. Looks like Green Bay is the closest. Maybe you can try calling Aaron back to see if he can dig around for her number.”

Me: “Good idea. Thanks.”

I call Aaron back.

Aaron: “Good afternoon, Aaron’s Wildlife Control”

Me: “Hi Aaron, I just called you a few minutes ago about the gimpy bunny. The Humane Society doesn’t have Charlotte’s number. Is there any possibility you have it around somewhere or know the last name so I can look in the phone book?”

Aaron: “Hmm. Let me think. Oh yeah, the last name is Henner. Yeah, that’s it – Henner. She lives out in Amherst or near there.”

Me: “Is it ludicrous for me to think that someone from Amherst is going to come all the way here to help this wild gimpy bunny?”

Aaron: “Nah, Charlotte rehabilitates bunnies. That’s her expertise, so just give her a call.”

Me: “Ok. Thanks again.”

I find Charlotte in the book and call her. No one answers, but the machine picks up.

Me: “Hi Charlotte, I was just referred to you by Aaron who was referred to me by the Humane Society. I understand you rehabilitate wild bunnies. Well, there is a gimping bunny on the corner of Third and Eighth by the curb. It looks like a possible broken leg or maybe an injury due to a fence incident. A neighbor told me that this bunny was chased earlier by five male bunnies, so maybe there was some type of attack. I hate to leave it by the curb because I’m afraid it will get run over by a car and I was afraid to move it. I hope you can take care of it. I feel badly for it, and I know I’d have a much better leg to stand on if I were a vegetarian, but I’m not, although I was about ten years ago, but I’m thinking about it again. Anyway, if you can help the bunny, I would really feel better. Thanks a bunch.”

I hung up and felt like a complete idiot. If I were Charlotte, I most definitely would not call me back. Nutball. If some dude were shot in Chicago -let’s say Logan Square- I wouldn’t even bother picking up the phone, but the bunny, that’s a whole different story.

I drove home from work tonight and turned up Third Street to see if Charlotte came to help the bunny. I saw the bunny still in the same place by the curb, flashed my lights toward it, and it was dead. I pulled into my driveway around the corner, turned off the car, shut off my headlights and cried.

The end.