Heisse Möse

Why don’t people say “pussy pucker” more often?

The German and I are proud parents of three new appliances – fridge, washer and dryer. They arrived Tuesday, February 28 at 12:35 p.m., and weighed 785 pounds. The washer scares the shit out of me. It looks very complex, and blazoned on the cover of the instructions reads: “You can be killed or seriously injured if you don’t immediately follow instructions.” What the fuck? It gets worse. I continued reading and started having heart palpitations at every turn. The tone is so harsh, and there are constant references to “failure to do so can result in death, explosion or fire.” Jesus!

Why are librarians considered the bottom feeders of the academic world?

Today, the German found out he is officially a full professor, and he actually announced that he may throw a party. This stunned me into silence (which is EXTREMLY rare). More details to come. He leaves for Germany in two weeks, and will be gone for five. He got some fancy fellowship from the Goethe Institute and will be researching German-Jewish-monkey-art-statue-dynamite stuff. He’s pretty stoked. I have to say five weeks is a bit too long for me. He was going to Germany frequently when his parents were sick about five years ago. I’m fine for the first couple of weeks, but then I start to go a little crazy and weird things always happen to me, like the bat incident, or the other bat/shoulder incident (yuck, I don’t even like thinking about it, but luckily there were no rabies shots).

Why does “hussy pussy” not sound as good as “fussy pussy?”

It could be said that surrealism states that narratives, paradoxically, has significance, given that sexuality is interchangeable with language. The primary theme of the works of Stone is the genre, and some would say the collapse, of material society. [I sure do love that postmodern (de)generator.]

Why are librarians considered the bottom feeders of the academic world?

I tried on a lilac colored hippy shirt today at Vagabond Imports. It was short sleeved and had elastic all around the collar and at the sleeve. The shirt puffed out a bit and had some decorative embroidery. I looked pregnant, and the sleeves were cutting off my circulation. The sleeves looked like those weird neon colored arm floats that children wear in waiting pools - plus it reeked of incense. I didn’t buy it. (Rerun from my July 18, 2005 posting. If the networks can do it, then so the fuck can I!)

Why is it so fun to say “my pussy ate a cock today?”