Neurotica

I can actually feel my brain cracking from stress. It’s super sicko. This conference stuff is literally killing me. I know I’m totally neurotic, but whatthefuckever. I know trendy M understands the neurosis syndrome because she suffers from it, too.

I still don’t have the mental capacity to write in complete sentences or paragraphs, so here’s another list. I’ll just call it stupid stuff:

Not really a list of stupid stuff – just stupid thoughts:

I tried to buy a bamboo steamer at the Asian market yesterday and the girl working at the cash register asked me TWICE what I was planning on doing with it. What?

Tori Spelling’s new reality show, So NoTORIous, will premiere on April 2. I’m super psyched – even though I’ll be in Madison that night discussing collaborating in cyberspace.

That Lobster essay from “Best American Essays – 2005” rocked! It was sort of like a miniature Moby Dick about lobsters, even though I hate Moby Dick (the novel, not the other potential innuendo cause those totally rock! Shit that book nearly fucking killed me my sophomore year BECAUSE WE SPENT THE ENTIRE SEMESTER ANALYZING THE FUCK OUT OF IT AND NEVER READ ANYTHING ELSE AND IT TRAUMATIZED ME FOREVER!!!!!!!!).

I finally extracted the wooden splinter that swiftly infiltrated the thick and calloused skin of my left heel last week. It reminded me of my Mark Vonnegut incident back in 1979. I think this is before he went nutso. Maybe I made him nutso?

My tits are still fucking killing me!! Today, I actually wore TWO bras. How insane is that? Everyone keeps telling me it’s the caffeine. I’m going to try cutting down to one cup a day, but that’ll be super tough. Coffee is the elixir of life.