Conference Survival Guide

- Don’t forget to change your clocks if your conference happens to coincide with Daylight Savings Time.

- Be sure to take time out to hit the hotel bar for one, two or three glasses of wine or beer or a combination of both or gin & tonics if you’re really desperate.

- If you’re planning a conference, try to avoid having your keynote speaker scheduled at the same time as a Polish wedding reception in a ballroom right next door. It’s hard to compete with Gwen Stefani’s “Holla Back Girl” when you’re trying to discuss the importance of the scholarship of teaching and learning without at least some backup vocals.

- Make sure the caterer understands that tuna and chicken do not constitute a “vegetarian” option.

- Be sure to not fall into the academic conference trap of horrendous footwear, coordinated separates purchased at marginalized department stores, glasses WITH excessively large drop earrings with matching necklaces, bracelets and “art fair” scarves, and frizzy or unflattering matronly hair. PICK UP A FRICKIN’ FASHION MAGAZINE ONCE IN A WHILE – it won’t kill you.

- Freak out people in the academy by reading “In Touch” magazine in plain view in a high traffic area.

- Go ahead and sign the wedding photo memento from the Polish reception. They’ll wonder for years where those signatures came from.

- Take out those interns/teaching assistants to the local bars and fill them with pitchers of beer until they’re as drunk as little Catholic school girls.