Gas station lunches, Ponch and Anne Frank's chestnuts

Gas station lunches are the worst. For some reason, I’ve been unable to get my act together to pack a lunch for work, and the cafeterias on campus are either too crowded or too gross. So, the other day, I stopped at a place that has decent soup and sandwiches, but the line was so frickin’ long (of course there was one person working the register and one making the food) that I was forced to walk into the attached gas station (yes, this is gross in itself). I wound up buying some cheese sticks, wheat thins and gummi bears. Not ideal, but I was aggravated and in a hurry. I also can’t force myself to buy those nasty prepackaged egg or tuna salad sandwiches or curling iron hot dogs. Icksville. It’s just impossible to ever feel good about a gas station lunch.

Johnny Depth had a “porn” party Friday night in Chicago. I was invited, but didn’t go (like I need more than a week’s notice for a party in a different city, JD?!?!? Hello). Man, I really wanted to go. It was a launch party for a new porn site he created. If you want the address, let me know. It’s XXX rated, so I’ll caution you there. I wonder what kind of food you serve at a porn party?

The other night I decided I wanted to become eccentric, so yesterday (Sunday) was the day I was going to put it into practice, but I was sidetracked (by making horseradish and through other practical realizations). This whole interest in becoming eccentric was precipitated by watching “Independent Lens” last week on PBS. The show featured this art collector in the Bay Area of California (I forgot his name), and he was your basic Joe kind of guy, which is what made his art collecting far more interesting, and yet he had amassed over 4,000 works of art in a decade. It was a rather fascinating look into his life. The problem with my whole gig of wanting to become eccentric is that I don’t think it’s something you can cultivate. I believe it’s more an inherent quality (the German certainly possesses this), and this insight was a real set back. I guess I’ll just have to live vicariously through eccentric people. As a whole, they are far more interesting than the rest of us boring saps.

Keep your eye out for male dolls. I seem to have inadvertently started a collection of male doll kitsch, so I’d like to keep it up. So far I have Ed Grimley (he talks), Pee Wee Herman, Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer, Bill & Ted, and Mr. Plastic No Nuts. I wouldn’t mind having a Joey Lawrence doll (from Blossom fame), Six Million Dollar Man (preferably with the complete orange jumpsuit), the 1974 naked PONCH Eric Estrada doll, or the Starsky or Hutch action figure doll. I may also be interested in that chestnut that fell off the tree that Anne Frank stared at through her attic window. I think it’s on auction now for about $700. This, I realize, has nothing to do with collecting male dolls, but it would still make a nice stocking stuffer.

If someone can prove that they will be eating Turducken on Thanksgiving while listening to Camper von Beethoven then you will win a prize! I need at least a photographic, audio clip or a witness to the event.