Email butt-whistle

Email signature quotes
What’s up with the quote in signature lines? Seriously. I’ve had enough. Enough with the quotes!! Those English teacher people have a propensity for this quote business. Blah. No more! If you feel compelled to share your favorite quote, can’t you be a little clever about it? How about an RSS live quote feed so we’re not bored with the same one we’ve been reading for 7 years? There’s an idea.

Importance: High
Things deserving the “high importance” tag in emails include emergency situations or social gatherings. That’s it. Your email, self-important student #12 on left hand side of classroom, to let me know that your lame homework is going to be late because you have to go deer hunting, does not warrant “high importance.” I noticed people who typically abuse the high importance tag also have all that confidentiality crap and to “delete the message if received in error.” Please! That’s as bad as….

the obligatory Read Receipt!!! I’m not going to tell you when I read your important fancy pants message and at what time I read it!!!!!! Give me a break.

Sender would like to recall message
What? You have sender’s remorse and this is the way you’re telling me? Don’t ever EVER use recall! A simple follow up message, “Sorry, university of … employees, I didn’t mean to call you all big fuckwads” is much nicer than that ode to code crappy recall response. There are actually self-destructive recallable email software packages out there, and some are free, so if you feel like this is a problem, get yourself some of that jimmy recall juice!