God and tinfoil

School just started this week (actually it started yesterday, but it seems like weeks ago). It's the same ol' same ol' feeling of being overwhelmed, but I'm going to try to not get so nutso this year. The sick part is that I actually like part of my nutsoness because I think it keeps me on task and I get loads of shit done - despite being hyper, stupid, cranky and neurotic.

My dog still has the weirdo shits. I have no idea what to do anymore. 10 days and counting. Been to the vet, still taking pills, still acting normal, but the bowels prove otherwise.

The last two days I’ve been working on “localizing” a translated employee manual for someone in China who is a friend of my crazy fun Chinese friend, Y. It’s due tomorrow at noon. It’s been a kinda fun and kooky project, and I believe I counted 276 uses of the word “shall” within 25 pages. Those crazy Chinese!!!!!!!!!! Gotta love em.

I’m trying to up the ante on my wardrobe this year. We’ll see how it goes. Today I managed to wear trouser jeans with a crazy tiger print top with a bright bloody-red hem and neckline. Interesting. But given my short time span this morning, it was all I could manage. Now that I cleaned my closet (and took 16 paper shopping bags of clothes, shoes and jewelry to Goodwill), I found things I never even knew I had. That’s super sick and overindulgent.

The Chancellor actually commented (positively) on my black and tan vertigo tights and purple spectator pumps at last week’s picnic, so I guess my attempts at wardrobe “upping” are working thus far. Side note: Is there a reason for serving the grossest and most unctuous potato salad ever at all higher education picnics?

Some kid at school today asked me if my keychain was a cock ring. He said it so nonchalantly. And I responded in the same nonchalant way – “no, it’s a key ring.” After reflection, it really could double as both a cock ring and a key ring, so I guess that’s “handy.”

There’s a new dude in the English Department who has published quite the creative shit in some pretty impressive publications, and I’m a bit in awe and a tad envious I must say. That doesn’t happen very often to me (the feeling of being awestruck by someone). I’m not sure why the hell he came here, but there must be some goofball reason. I’m going to have to get to know this guy and get on his good side in the hopes of getting some writing tips and suggestions. That would be super awesome! I bet he would tell me to stop writing stupid shit like “super awesome.” I am over 18.

Anyone who is willing to leave a comment on my blog will get some type of monetary compensation. The amount “shall” be determined by the content and creativity of “said commenter’s” comment (can you tell I’ve been proofreading this crazy Chinese manual?).