Forming Voltron of Neuroses

I’m pretty sure I have MS, Lemierre’s Syndrome or the Ebola virus. I have been experiencing very strange equilibrium/balance issues, tingling and numbness in my arms and legs, memory problems and bladder issues. All of these combined equal one of those above. I flipped out yesterday, but today I’m more calm. It’s a serious professional hazard having access to the Merck Manual, PDR, Mayo Clinic Manual, MedLine and Cinahl. I’ve self-diagnosed all three of these life threatening ones. Luckily, I’ll be visiting my pink-suede-clad Frau Doktor on Tuesday.

I told my parents last night at dinner that I have MS. They are now sufficiently worried, too, but my mother also gave me the riot act for the self diagnosis and wrote it off as a passing oddity. My father also told me not to worry, but reminded me that he’s also a pessimist, so he understood my fear and conviction. We’re more in sync on that end.

I wonder if my friends will still accept me if I have MS or some other deadly or debilitating disease. My guess is some will write me off once I can’t keep pace, or they will accept me as one of their token “special” friends, like having a tranny or paraplegic as part of the “circle.” Time will only tell.

Speaking of deadly and/or debilitating diseases, there was a table up yesterday at our student union with a poster hanging that said, “College Students Against Cancer.” It was a fundraiser. I’m always perplexed by these statements. As if there is a “College Students For Cancer” group or “College Students For Child Abuse.” What is that? It’s just as bad as the political platforms where candidates say they’re “pro education!” What the fuck.