Good Substitutions

Thanks to everyone who contributed to Part II of my Substitution/Addition series. A very special thanks to JD who contributed most of the good sauce in this list. You may be broke, jobless and your girlfriend’s in jail, but you know I’ll always love ya!

- New clothes for self-esteem
- Free drinks for poor service
- Jim Beam for Knob Creek
- Higher grades for thoughtful/detailed comments
- Crushing student loan debt for years of carefree abandon
- Daydreaming for work
- Joan Jett for Heart
- David Lee Roth for Sammy Hagar
- Methadone for heroin
- VX Fox station wagon for a pair of boots
- Adopting a 17 year old girl for a short term relationship with a younger woman.
- Two pieces of liver and a cardboard milk carton for pussy.
- Cocaine for sleep.
- One year of real life experience for seven years of "higher education."
- An e-card for a phone call to your mother on mother's day (Even if she doesn't have an e- mail address. That's not my fault. I thought it was the thought that counts anyway. Live in the now, Mom!)
- A magic 8 ball for religion.
- Stabbing your own eyes out for watching reality TV.
- Dreaming you live in a magical land filled with a field of clouds while galloping on a unicorn for watching Fox news.