Bad Substitutions
Thanks to M for the great suggestion of the “Bad Substitution” list. After a few beers, it turned into a four part series. This is a collaborative effort, so I'm sending a shout out to M, D, Other N, N, JD, A, and "Fashionable Librarian" M.
The following is Part I of the series (stay tuned for Part II – “Good Substitutions”):
Toilet paper for coffee filters
Q-tips for toilet paper
Black pepper for cocaine
Ground glass for cocaine
Bagels for cat food
Money for love
Jerking off for a real woman
Loveless but sexual relationship for soul crushing loneliness
Margarine for butter
Pepsi for Coke
Eckrich for Oscar Meyer
Tanqueray for Bombay Saphire
Aunt Jemima for Mrs. Butterworth
Lite beer for regular beer
George Bush for a monkey.
IcyHot for lube.
IcyHot for toothpaste.
IcyHot for hemorrhoid cream.
IcyHot should really only be used for sore joints.
The Bible for the Constitution.
Rock salt for deodorant.
Sandpaper for toilet paper.
Helen Keller for a tour guide.
Ted Kennedy for an AA sponsor.
Carrot Top for a comedian.
Yogurt for cream in coffee
Tampon paper for rolling papers
Dirt clods for rocks
Saran wrap for condoms
Masturbation for sex
Sex for masturbation
posted by BibFash at 10:24 PM
2 Comments:
Outstanding list! This made me snort audibly. As far as I know, no one heard me, but still. This isn't so much a substitution, but IcyHot has at least one application outside its intended use that I can wholeheartedly endorse: High school graduations can be made actually interesting by the liberal smearing of IcyHot on the right palms of as few as half the graduating class. Good times...good times...
5/09/2006
I am impressed by this list, particularly since all the "bad substitutions" I've made in my life seem to have been deleted from my memory.
I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.
I look forward to the further installments.
Plum
5/14/2006
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