Most heinous music videos

Thanks to PSM & J for this blog idea and her prompting me to reflect on two “fine” music videos of our time.

First, let me start by saying I have never understood music videos since their inception on MTV in 1981 (Anyone remember J.J. Jackson as a VJ??). Seriously. What’s the point? Music videos started as a strange montage of a band playing mixed with some poorly choreographed Debbie Allen affair that was a crossbreed of semi soft-porn dance moves with a sprinkle of Saved by the Bell flavor. Some tried to incorporate a “plot” - like gonzo pizza porns, which just never worked. At least in pizza porn there was some type of climax, but music videos? People just gawked with a furrowed brow

#1 most heinous music video
Bonnie Tyler – Total Eclipse of the Heart (Go to YouTube to watch - 1983)

Where to start? Well, I think Jasonwinback of YouTube comment section page three said it best about Bonnie, “it gives me goosepump when she peak her voice it sound like its gonna shred.” Yes, goosepumps and shredding sounds just about right. This little delight, back from 1983 (album was "Faster than the Speed of Light"), combines a Paula Abdul Ninja ballet clad in swan wings, settings of old church facades and horny school boys, all the while Bonnie is wind swept in her Dynasty rags smothered in glossy Mary Kay cosmetics. And what can we make from the "Man from Mars" kid with neon-glowing googly eyes? It is the “gayest non-gay” video ever, as commenter #47 said on page five.

#2 most heinous music video
Animotion – Obsession (Go to YouTube to watch - 1985)

The opening of this video appears to be a Middle Eastern banana playing the symbols and then it immediately cuts to an aerobic Charlie Sheen and Tina Yothers (dressed in the finest 1980s gaudy gear) jamming out to that 4/4 beat – You are an OBSESSION! This is a strange one. Seems to take place in some posh California backyard pool with space men and Cleopatra costume clad people all fencing and pondering their reflections in the water. Purpose? It's anyone's guess. Again, at least in porn there is a climax. Couldn’t tell you what the “producer/choreographer/band” was trying to tell the audience in this clown-like pastiche of nonsense.

#3 most heinous music video
Olivia Newton John – Let’s Get Physical (Go to YouTube to watch - 1982)

My vote is good ol' Newton John doing her gay pumping routine in this classic. I think the lyrics (and my list) say it all:

Let's get animal, animal, I wanna get animal, let's get into animal, Let me hear your body talk, Your body talk, let me hear your body talk.

Pastel speedos
Bulges
Oiled muscles
Feathered hair
High-cut leotards
Aussie headbands
Aerobic crotch shots
Sweat
Copious gayness