Things that make me laugh

“Assistance needed in ropes and twines” said over the intercom system at Fleet Farm

“Would you like the parmesan coated chicken with your Indonesian Peanut Noodle Saute?” said by the cashier at Noodles & Company. What?

Anything Johnny Depth says

Anything Laurbean says

Anything PSM says

M-Zingers

The following song lyrics:
- wash yo’ butt (Public Enemy)
- yo’ mamma got gold nipples (Public Enemy)
- Ya mo be there (Michael McDonald)

That piece of imaginary fuzz I thought I had on the side of my nose for about 6 months in 1991

That picture of C dressed as a “Woody Allenesque” flower girl in the late 1960s

Most Woody Allen movies

Napoleon Dynamite

Stupid questions at the reference desk, including, but not limited to:
- “Would you read my poem on alcoholic poisoning and see if you think it depicts who I am?”
- “Do you have any books on men who love women too much?” asked by the Drooler on a consistent basis in 2005.

The longer version:
- “Do you think my professor will accept this as a source for my paper?” – student
- “It depends. What does your assignment say?” – me
- “I don’t have it with me.” – student
- “What class is it?” – me
- “An English class” – student
- “What English class?” – me
- “I’m not sure” – student
- “Who’s your professor?” – me
- “I’m not sure “ – student
- “Male or female professor?” - me
- “uh, (nervous giggle) hmm…” – student
- “yeah, he or she will accept any source.” – me in sarcastic and annoyed tone of voice

Almost taking off my pants in my office to pee

That naked old guy from sailing last year

The dog sitting story with Charlie, skunks and stewed tomatoes

Anything by David Sedaris

Almost anything by Augusten Burroughs

Wendy’s 1970s weight watcher cards

The beet colored JC Penney mail order bridesmaid dress I had to wear for my cousin’s wedding in the 1980s (with a hat and lace gloves)

The ghetto made “string pulley” system my mom rigged up for the broken windshield wipers on the old avocado green station wagon

My parents driving L and I to the Ashford & Simpson concert at the Auditorium Theater in the green station wagon (see above)

Tim taking orders and serving food and coffee at Melvin’s in Chicago – he didn’t work there.