Masturbation He Wrote

Gay marriage ... people need to go one way or the other. I’m thinking about writing some type of letter to the editor/opinion piece on the whole amendment issue. I mean if you're going to allow marriage and its benefits, you need to let anyone marry whoever the hell they want. If you want to ban marriage, then ban all marriage. Think of all the potentially great TV shows we could have with gay marriage? Gay Divorce Court, the Gay Wedding Channel, Masturbation He Wrote starring Mark Foley (alright that has nothing to do with marriage, but I had to throw it in), My Two Dads (hmmm... actually that was a show). Alright, maybe things won't change that much ... which is exactly my point. People are idiots. “Marriage is sacred?” Who the hell came up with that? Please! Check the latest census stats on marriage – sacred my ass. People are nutballs.

Disco Cures Cancer was pretty fun this year, but it was held in a bowling “center” (yes – a center, not an alley). This bowling center had low ceilings and a portable dance floor that had bubbles in it, so that wasn’t too cool. I missed the place they held it in for the last few years. Anyway, I wound up wearing my “True Disco” ensemble (the Pancake House Waitress ensemble was voted down), which consisted of a gold lame tunic top, black flared jazz pants, black patent leather open toe platforms, faux-fur rimmed denim patch work car-coat, fake long ponytail, and Elton John sunglasses. My outfit turned out to be pretty okay. We all had a groovy time and exchanged the latest dirty lingo. I learned the term “sharted,” which is a fart with poop spray, and I taught them the term “clitty litter.” The next morning we all went for pancakes at the Log Cabin and loaded up on lots of coffee.

I’d like to take an online poll about Phase I of my tenure party festivities (the tenure parties will last approximately a year, so I have to spread out the fun. If for some reason I’m denied tenure, I will hopefully be working at the Dairy Queen, which means we will be limited to a Brazier/Blizzard party, but that could still be fun!).

Please cast your vote for party place/activity in the comment section. This party will probably happen in early to mid December. If you have another suggestion not listed, let me know:

1. Our house – cocktails/appetizer stuff
2. Our “local hangout” – I will buy booze and food
3. Some other bar in town that possibly has karaoke
4. The dance studio – I could bring in booze and food and we could all have a dance party (assuming this is okay with the owner, which I’m sure she’d be fine with)
5. Other