My Bootyless World

Today I lost my dog for about 10 minutes, I found out my parents had a lien put on the house they are selling by some asshole contractor, I saw the perv that frequents the library checking out porn-zines at the bookstore, I broke a shelf, and I ate carbs. Luckily, the dog wasn’t killed, my parents will survive, the perv is not listed on the sex offender’s web site, the shelf is repairable, and I can avoid carbs tomorrow.

I hear there is a call out from ABC’s "Extreme Makeover" looking for a librarian that wants to change her appearance. I guess they think male librarians don’t need the overhaul (think again, ABC!). I can tell you this for sure: the library listservs are going to be buzzing for many months to come over this shenanigan.

Geez, where would one begin for librarian makeovers? I can already think of at least 20 librarian candidates in less than a nano-second (I include myself in the list). I guess the first thing I would change on my list is to get a new torso, new arms, combine some brain cells from a few smart friends and have them transplanted into mine, and get a new skin tone so that I’m not so hideously translucent that it scares children away. A booty implant and lift would really be my first choice. But despite all this crazy “bootylicious” makeover talk, the inevitable sad fact is that a new booty (or anything else for that matter) would not change my life at all. I’d still be depressed about getting older, not having rich parents, not being a writer, fear of death, or worse the fear of no more coffee after death – you know, the usual suspects. So, I guess I will continue to trudge along in my “bootyless” world.